All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
