Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
