You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
