i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
