Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
