Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
