remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
