nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Olympian is in my bed
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