is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
