im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
