Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
