and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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