For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
