im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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