I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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