wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
