Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
