I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
