I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
