dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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