my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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