so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
