I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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