Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
