Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We have so much sex to catch up on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize