Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
