Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
