Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
