maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
