I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
