I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
