what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
