Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize