i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
