I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
