You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
