Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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