dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you didnt know i had herpes?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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