If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
