i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I did not marry a roomba.
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