you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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