Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
