Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
