I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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