ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
