Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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