I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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