Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
