Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
