Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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