Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
