I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
