you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
