I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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