I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
