she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
