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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
