I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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