I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
