I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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