it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
