I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
