I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize