i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
