you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
