I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
