hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
