Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
