I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
