Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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