girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
