So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
