My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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