If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
