So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
