I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
