Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need water and some morals
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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