i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
