oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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