oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize