just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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